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[Bonus] "That Thing We Found" Part 1/5
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This is part 1 of 5 of our One-Shot (or bonus Mini Series) "That Thing we Found". Our crew at the Cryozyte Artic research base get an unexpected visitor....
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I'm Wylie Sloane. I'm your host and DM.
KipoI'm Kipo and I play Alan Fizzard, the Mid Wizard.
BradHey, I'm Brad, and I play Gordon Ramshield.
MimirI'm Mimir and I play Jared Vern Squirrel.
WylieHello, friend. You're listening to Blunders and Dragons. We are a comedy improv storytelling podcast, and we use Dungeons and Dragons actual play to shape our story. Basically, we're telling a story together and we use dice to determine what happens and how successful our characters are at engaging with those situations. We roll many different types of dice, but as a rule, higher rolls are closer to success and lower roles are closer to failure. If that's still confusing, don't worry, just listen and enjoy the adventure, and we'll do our best to explain what's happening along the way and why. We also plan to release an intro to DD episode at some point to help you get the basics. But for now, please enjoy episode one of our five-part mini-series, That Thing We Found.
KipoI'm your host, Kipo.
MimirI'm your host, Mimir.
BradI am not your host, Brad.
WylieAnd this is our one shot that it does not have a name. The name is the secret. So by the time it is published, it will have a name, but at this moment it does not. So um I'm gonna give us a little scene setting. I'm gonna describe our settings. So first, imagine a black screen. Then boom, we can see the entire planet of Nerthus as it floats through space and circles its nearest star. It is a vibrant planet teeming with life, except the north and south poles, which are encased in ice. These barren plains and monolithic peaks are so vast they are visible even from space. We can see the planet's frozen pinnacle etched against the inky void of space beyond, as the Aurora Borealis dances and paints the sky. As we gaze at this spectacular view, something bright and dazzling skims across our field of vision and seems to disappear behind the icy peaks with a playful wink, hinting at the mysteries hidden in the uninhabited wasteland. As we zoom in from our view of space, we focus on the northern pole of the planet Nerthus. We see dark, sharp, jagged, icy cliffs jutting out of the snow. At the base of these cliffs are several dome-shaped biospheres that comprise the Cryozyte Research Center. This research center was established by the League of Incredibly Smart Dudes, an organization of wizards, but they call themselves Arcane Intelligence, or AI. Their goal is to investigate some disruptions at the planet's magnetic field, as well as search for artifacts and treasure. The staff is mostly comprised of wizards and artificers, but there are other positions as well. So let's meet the staff. Can you guys please roll for initiative?
MimirUsing our characters?
WylieJust just uh D20 is fine. We don't need to add initiative to it. What do we got?
MimirI've got a three. 13. 10. Let's go.
WylieAll right, Mimir, please introduce us to your character.
MimirWell, hello there. My name is Jared Vern squerrel. I'm the security guard. I'm looking for trouble. Um, it's been 150 days. Uh and I keep a journal of um uh every hour of those 150 days, and let me tell you right now, um, nothing's happened. But I'm here and I'm looking out. Uh I'm a rogue. Um, and uh my character is a gnome, uh rock gnome, and he has a blue uniform on. He has uh uh arcane radio, uh, and he has a bunch of different utility things like that. Uh he's a mastermind rogue. We're uh level five. Um, and uh I got a keychain with a bunch of these arcane uh like keys. Uh but I you know spent so much time here, still don't know uh which key goes to which door. So uh still trying to figure that out. Um, it's really cold, really cold all the time. So I have five different jackets on. Um, but uh I'm ready. I'm ready for when things kick off.
WylieAwesome. And where what room of the base are you currently located in?
MimirWell, uh, so I've been actually uh going through a bunch of uh different rooms, but uh currently I'm in the I'm in the storage room walking uh uh uh down and around uh to the research lab. Um and um I'm uh I'm heading towards uh one of the lookout towers that's all the way outside, but I'm meandering because it is very cold outside, and I'm the only one that turns on the heat out there, um, so no one else gets around there. So yeah.
WylieYeah, you know that your associate, GNar, GNar Kolepsy, um, who is a Goliath, um, being a Goliath with a frost giant heritage, he the cold really doesn't bother him that much. And he really doesn't mind spending his time out in the lookout tower. So you do kind of leave that up to him, uh, even though he does fall asleep quite frequently, uh and that can be a little bit difficult being the lookout.
MimirUm but I run him through drills and stuff every now and again. Um, I shoot uh arrows at the window, and uh 90% of the time he's not awake, so uh it doesn't work out. Um and I would yell, but it is way too cold. I can't get enough breath in my lungs. But I like the indoor uh rotation that I do.
WylieSo and uh so GNar is also he's a Goliath Ranger and he is also the animal handler, so he takes care of the sled dogs here on base as well. And um, he, you know, you guys don't use it very much. You mostly stick to the research base. Um, but when you do go out and about and travel, um he does help handle those. So um you work pretty closely with GNar Kolepsy. Okay, who was our next initiative? What was that, Kipo? All right, tell us about your character.
KipoWhat well um my name my name's Alan Fizzard. I uh I've been working in this lab um for well just over 32 years, but but but um but um but but uh but I retired uh j about si six months ago. So six months ago I retired and uh I um uh I was home for about six months, and then my wife, oh my my sweet wife, uh Sandy, my my sweet wife Sandy said, You cannot stay here anymore, you gotta go back to work. So I she said uh maybe go back and ask if they'll take you back. Uh you just I can't have you around the house uh a bunch. Any anyways. I so I'm back and I'm working with uh this young this young fella here, um, uh sweet kid. Uh I d I I haven't remembered his name at all. Uh but he's a good he I think he uh skateboards or something like that. Uh but he you you know those youth. They're they're just doing a good job, uh doing their best. But but anyway, I yeah, I just um I'm I'm back in the lab um just helping out where I can. Everything's six months gone by, everything already changed. I I can't figure out uh what some of these new uh devices do, and but uh but I'm happy to be here. I'm just I'm I'm just happy to uh to be uh ke keeping keeping busy. If I you know, I've always I've always said if I if I just sit down and do nothing, I'm just gonna die. See you gotta keep mobile. You just gotta keep working, you gotta keep uh keep on. Uh and and yeah, that that's uh that's me. I I'm a half elf. Uh I'm a wizard. Um I've been doing a lot of magic for a long a long time. Uh made a lot of good friends. Made a lot of good friends. So some some of them are dead now, but but you know that's just how life goes. And so uh yeah, I'm uh if you if you would take a look at me, well, at least when I walked out the door this morning and give and gave a wave and a kiss to Sandy, I I have uh uh the equ the equivalent of uh just slac on and make sure my shirt is tucked in. You gotta make sure your your shirt is tucked in. Don't you don't wanna be leaving any loose clothing while you're working in the lab. Uh that's one of the main lessons that I've learned over my time here. That's me.
WylieOkay. And Alan Fizzard, would you say that all of your time as a wizard and a researcher, have you um really achieved greatness in your time? I mean, what kind of wizard are you? But what do the kids say?
KipoYeah, well, I mean I've I've dabbled and just I've seen a lot, and then I've I've spent a lot of time uh practicing and just doing the regular old stuff, but I'm a transmutation wizard uh by by trade, if if I could pick anything, um or just narrow it down to one. Um but yeah.
WylieYeah, and um so where on the base are you currently?
KipoI'm I'm in the lab. Uh I'm just uh sitting in well, they got rid of my chair, and and I'd it was a security concern. I had this nice chair, but you know, they replaced it with one that's doesn't swivel anymore and it's hard, but that's okay. You know, I'd I've I asked I asked uh the security guard if I could bring a cushion in, and he said I could. So I've after he inspected it, he cut he did cut it open.
MimirGotta make sure you're not bringing it in anythin illegal.
KipoBut I had Sandy sew it back together, and and so yeah, I put the cushion on the chair, and that's where I'm sitting on my chair right now, just kind of watching the young fella uh, you know, do his stuff. You know, if he needs help, I'm just sitting here.
WylieYeah. So the young fella, the fellow researcher that works with you in the lab, his name is Java Script.
KipoOh, yeah that's right. Yes.
Java ScriptI'm from the Silicon Valley, and I'm a halfing wizard, and I'm really excited. This is my first adventure. Um it's very different here. It's much colder. And um, I I'm not so sure Arcane Intelligence really thought about that when they were designing this place. Some things seem to not work so good. Like uh, you have to either walk through the biosphere to get to the other rooms, or you have to walk outside, and that's really cold. It uh mostly remains at negative 30 most of the time. So um I definitely don't leave the research center pretty much ever.
WylieI pretty much stay inside all the time. And uh JavaScript, as you mentioned, um, he is from Silicone Valley, and so he likes to ride his longboard around in the hallways. That's really how he likes to get back and forth pretty quickly between the different buildings because um, as we know, the layout is not that great. And it can take a very long time to get from one location to the other, um, particularly because our research lab is way across from the sleeping quarters and the rec room, and you have to go all the way through our greenhouse biosphere just to get to them. Um, so JavaScript was really glad that he brought his uh along board. And as you guys know, um, as researchers and um the staff usually rotates every two weeks. So for our Alaskans out there, it's similar to working up on the slope. Um, you work for a couple weeks, you come home for weeks, and another crew comes through. Um, but Jared Vernsquerrel being newer has been on site for the last three months.
MimirI volunteered for extra hours. Uh they don't pay me um for those extra hours. Um, but I do uh I I I also want to mention that I did put up a no skateboarding sign. Uh and then it I crossed out skateboarding and put longboarding uh because he corrected me. And so it's just a safety concern uh in the biomesphere specifically. So yeah.
WylieIt can get a little risky in the uh the biosphere. Um so let's meet the last, well, not the last, the entire last member was that, but the last um player character of our staff today. Who do we have, Brad?
BradHello, my name is Gordon Ramshield. Uh I am chef. I uh yes, I am a barbarian, uh, but uh I try not to focus on that anymore. Uh yeah, let's not talk about my best, please. Um, but I am chef because it just brings joy to my life. Uh it's it's what I enjoy to do. Uh it really relaxes me. It uh makes me how you say happy, you know. So yes, I I am uh a chef here at the uh at this place. Uh being a uh giant, Goliath, uh, you know, this my my family's from here, right down the road. So I figured I would get a job here, and uh I love the cold. It is nice, makes me feel very warm inside. I guess maybe very cold inside. I don't know how to describe it. This is not my first language. Uh so yeah, so I I am chef. I enjoy making different all kinds of food. Uh, but specifically, my my greatest my greatest achievement uh in this is uh I I really enjoy to make uh macarons. Uh macarons are you know some people say oh those are dainty, those are small, those are like women should make those. But let me tell you something. You do not understand the sheer difficulty when it comes to macarons. Because macarons, they are they're very hard to make. It takes very much a lot of precision. It takes a lot of um how you say, how you say uh patience. Yes, it takes a lot of patience. So yeah, so it it really calms and relaxes me. Uh I do have anger problems sometimes. I maybe get a little too mad, uh, but I start thinking about the recipe for my macarons, and uh it just really calms me. Because I do not want to be uh maybe how I used to be um when I was younger. So I try to uh just be a calm man, not resort to violence. Um yeah, that's kind of uh who I am and what I do.
WylieGreat. And um what has made you the most angry at this point since arriving at the research base on this current rotation? What what kind of things have you found frustrating so far?
BradWell, sometimes uh I try to bring spices from my home, uh, but then they got stuck at security. Um they thought it was drugs, uh, but I promise it is not drugs, it just makes food taste better, okay? And you want more. But I cannot help it that maybe you get addicted to the food.
WylieRight?
BradBut I promise it is not drugs.
WylieReally good food is intoxicating.
BradCorrect. That is your own fault, not my fault.
WylieIf if we can't stop eating the chocolate chip cookies, then yes, you know.
BradYou know what what kind of drug it is, I it's not a drug, okay?
WylieUm, and so where on the research base are you currently?
BradI am currently in the kitchen cooking.
WylieAll right. So those are our player characters. Um we have two other NPCs that live and work on the base as well. We have Pyra Ember, who is a tiefling, and she is our demolitions expert. Um, she has really helped um with blasting through the ice and snow to try to find the and uncover these wonderful artifacts and treasures that we hope are buried up in the ice, but you know, um, that's just based on um arcane intelligence's information. So could be incorrect, we're not sure. Um and then we also have Beau Jangles, who is our facilities manager, and um he is a dwarven facilities manager, and so he um controls the heating units, um, the air units, um, and when any of the the doors stop working, he's supposed to work on that. And he has a lot on his plate because, as we said, our um league of incredibly smart dudes from Silicon Valley did not anticipate the difficulties of a primarily negative 30 weather environment. Um, they were really planning um for these type of campuses where it's very comfortable to walk outdoors and even bike around. So there is a pile of bikes that are stuck in the storage shed and they have been completely unused, um, partially because Jared determined that they were too dangerous for use inside. And then, of course, they are um irrelevant to use outside in the snow. Um and uh unfortunately, Gordon was a little bit confused. He thought that this location was just down the road from his home. He did not realize until after a few weeks after he had teleported here that uh it was in fact a very barren wasteland with no inhabitants of any kind anywhere near. So the only way to and from the base essentially is via teleportation. Um, a plane shifter will deliver the new staff every two weeks and um rotate the other staff back out and take them back home. Um, so there's usually about an eight-hour layover while that plane shifter restores their plane shifting abilities and is able to transport you and while the staff passes off information between the two shifts. Um, so that's how transportation works. And so you primarily don't really leave the research base except for to go to dig sites where you guys are looking for artifacts. And actually, JavaScript is extremely excited right now because you have just discovered an artifact. Um, this artifact was strangely found just sitting on top of the snow. It was not buried at all. Um, but he is in the lab right now with Alan Fizzard, and he is extremely excited to talk to you about this new artifact that he found. And I'm gonna put that up on our screen in just a second here. All right. Oh, additionally, at the research base, um, there is an automated robot that does cleaning. Um, so you guys do hear the buzz of the little automated robot called Mops that is driving around and cleaning, um, handles, you know, most of the janitorial services. So um Bo Jangles does have to, you know, repair him when he breaks, but Mops stands for magical omnidirectional purification system. And so he is essentially a roomba, but he also has mopping functions and um drives around the base and keeps it clean. Um, particularly because um in the center of the research base we have our uh greenhouse, our big biosphere, that not only contains um the vegetables and fruits that you guys are growing to eat, but as well as a chicken house. And so um there are chickens that live in there, and um Jared definitely has to make sure that they stay within those are the most dangerous things on this thing right now.
MimirThat's where most of my it's literally RamShield or uh the chickens that cause the most trouble. And it's a 50-50 every single day. I keep telling Ramshield that he doesn't live down the street and he can't walk home, but uh he he insists. He gets lost.
BradListen, I tell you, home is literally five minutes down the road, okay?
MimirNot year two.
BradI don't know why they make me wait.
MimirWe're literally playing down.
BradThey make me wait hours before I can leave to go home. Like eight hours, but it's just down the street, okay? It's right around that hill.
MimirStop bringing spices in.
WylieEvery time you come back from home, you've got a new spice.
MimirI have a whole shelf locked in my like my gun closet. It's all it's all spices. There's no guns. We can't carry them here. Not trained yet.
BradI tell you that it will make the food way better. Okay? It'll make it way better.
WylieUm so back in the research lab, Java Script is um, I don't know if can you guys see it on the main page? It brought up an image of this cool artifact that has been discovered. Um and Java Script is really thrilled about it. And um he's been going on the radio. You guys all have these walkie-talkie radios, they're just short distance, so you can't communicate with home or anything. Um, but he's been going on the radio and eagerly saying, uh guys, we have a really cool discovery in the lab.
Java ScriptIf you want to check it out, that thing we found is super cool. It's like a big jug with glowing arcade marks. And I don't know what it does yet, but once I figure it out, it's gonna be awesome. So if you want come, if you have any ideas, you want to check out this artifact.
WylieIt's really, really cool. And uh then you hear Pyra um jump on the radio and she's like, What are you doing? That thing was found right on the top of the snow. It was probably trash. Why do you think it was ancient? We didn't even have to dig. I didn't get to blow up anything to find this. You think it's ancient? I think it's brand new and just garbage. So she is not impressed.
MimirThis is Lieutenant Vern Squirrel. Uh, I'm ahead in that direction right now. Um, we're gonna do a security sweep and make sure there's nothing dangerous in the mug. Um, and uh we'll get uh Gnar Ko uh to make sure that he uh he also takes a lookout on the lookout tower when he responds in about an hour or two. I'll have that direction.
KipoUm Alan is uh walking up to Java and asking him if he can help him turn his radio.
Java ScriptOh sorry, right here. You see this knob here? You you gotta turn that. You turn that. And the more you turn it, the louder it gets. So we'll probably, I turn it all the way up for you so you could hear it.
KipoOh, okay. I just keep dead in my back pocket.
Java ScriptBut don't don't sit on it.
MimirWhoever's on the ring, if you get off the radio.
Java ScriptPlease stop sitting on the when you when you hold down the button, you're transmitting, so you gotta don't hold down the button.
KipoI'll just I'll turn it off. I I can hear yours.
WylieLike any old man, he completely turns off his communication device and doesn't listen to it.
BradUh Gordon's gonna head that way too.
WylieUh to the to the research lab?
BradYes, yes. Uh he's gonna be like, oh, hold on. That is probably spice from my cousin Olexi uh that he left. Because remember, I live five minutes down the road, okay? So it's he he said he was going to leave it for me, so I was I'll just come pick it up, okay?
MimirRamshield, no, I got that delivery. I put it in my locker already. And why are you heading to the research lab? Get back in the lunch, it's like 30 minutes.
BradNo, no, no. I I come I come get it, okay? It I promise it is from Olexi. I uh I'm just like sweating.
WylieJared is really stressed. This is the most action that we've had in a long time with a foreign object being brought in. It is in the lab, and there are security precautions for when strange and alien items are found. So um Java Script is very by the book. So he did follow those protocols, but it is absolutely scrap that young man.
MimirUm I have a notepad uh and I'm just I'm just taking notes of every single thing that's been transmitted over the radio. And so literally it's pages of pages of me talking to no one because they're not responding. Um and then it's a lot of like side notes like on the margins of Ram Shield is added again, you know, like who hired this guy? Does he actually live five minutes down the road? I'm too lazy to go look, things like that.
WylieAnd you've actually put in a requisition for a mage hand to be the scribe for you. Yeah. That would be really helpful.
MimirYeah, it didn't come in. Yeah, at this point.
WylieIt has not been delivered in the whole, you know, at the at this point you requested about two months ago and it has not shown up.
MimirIt's crazy that the spices show up, but the the thing that I requested from our bosses uh has not. And I, you know, and I get it. I understand, you know.
BradSo it's life. It's the special delivery, okay?
MimirI it all I can't believe Amazoon gets all the way out here.
WylieBut the United Nerthus postal service. It's it's it takes a long time. We're very slow. I heard Amazoon uses reindeer.
MimirYeah, that's really that's where the ticket is.
WylieSo in the midst of all this radio chatter, finally, Beau Jangles is able to get in a word edgewise, and you hear his voice come through. Um attention, attention, as everybody listen up. This is real important now, right here. As you all know, we've been having some issues with our heating system. We do have a very minor leak in the Arcanium reactor. We are working hard to get this reactor back online. However, you may experience some our symptoms of arcanium sickness. The best thing to do is to drink some water, have a snack, and breathe some of that fresh cold air to clear your head. Uh also, uh Kolepsy just informed me that now might be a pretty good time to go outside and get some of that fresh air, as it seems that something is approaching our station from the north.
MimirAll right, everybody, stay calm. This is a red alert, red alert. Let's get on active duty.
KipoAlan is asleep in his chair.
MimirUh I'm I'm running to uh which lookout would that be?
WylieUm, so just out in the front, so just outside of the kennels, closer to lookout tower two.
MimirI got these binoculars uh that are kind of cracked um because we have all old equipment. Uh and I I run out and I I take a look. I'm looking out there.
WylieOkay, you can give me a perception check. Oh yeah, yeah. But with disadvantage because you have bad binoculars.
MimirBinoculars? No, that makes sense. It's probably easier to look with my regular eyes than with us. Okay. Nope, doesn't count. Uh that is a 17.
WylieA 17 with disadvantage.
MimirYes, with disadvantage. I have a plus seven perception.
WylieWow. So fortunately, you were smart enough to keep the um binoculars in a cold place, like the mud room, so that they acclimated so they don't fog up soon as you go outside. Um, so as you run out, um, is does anybody else gonna go out there? Or is everyone else staying inside at this point? Everyone's inside.
BradI'm trying to find the spice. You're still going to the research. I'm still trying to find the spice.
WylieUm, so as you head out, you uh can see something that is flying in the sky heading in your direction towards your base.
MimirOkay. Um I will uh take out do I have like a flashlight or something like that?
WylieYeah, you can definitely have a flashlight.
MimirI'm gonna start uh uh like uh doing Morse code um to it and seeing if uh it responds with Morse code.
WylieOkay.
MimirUm and the Morse is just like, hey, what's up? Um it has the um in there and it's like um you you are trespassing maybe um things like that. Uh and then I'm gonna file a report um immediately after.
WylieUm okay, as you do this, it does not respond. It doesn't change course. It seems to be getting closer and bigger. And as the thing in the sky gets bigger, you can also see that something on the ground is coming towards you as well.
MimirOh, okay. So two different objects. Cool, cool, cool. Um, how big and how far are they?
WylieUm at this point, I'd say they're probably about a half mile from you. They're they're getting fairly close, but you can't really distinguish more than there's kind of a bigger, bulkier black thing in the sky and a smaller black thing on the snow.
MimirOkay. Um I will head to Lookout Tower One, where I think we have like a uh telescope. Okay. Um, and so I'm gonna head uh in that direction.
WylieLookout tower two is closer to your location.
MimirOh, yes. Then I'll I'll do the lookout tower two.
WylieOkay. So you head to up to lookout tower two.
MimirYep, and I'll take the dog, uh the dogs. Um the dogs. All the whole I'll I'll I'll link them up and I'll just kind of be like, I'll link them up and I'll I'll get out there. Because I think it's an it's an emergency.
WylieAre they it is walking distance and it would take it?
MimirThen I'll I'll run. I have very short legs.
WylieIt's true, it's true, yeah.
MimirBut I can bonus action dash and action dash, uh, so I will be doing that.
WylieOkay. And so I picture um I picture little Jared running and then sliding and sliding.
MimirOh my goodness. Oh gosh, it's the most workout I've ever had.
WylieOkay, so just as you get to the base of the lookout tower, you're you're before you run up the stairs, you you take a look and you see a bright blue flash come from the flying thing down towards the ground.
MimirSweet. Is it in Morse code or is it just one?
WylieIt's a single big flash.
MimirI pull out my Morse code like handbook and I'm like, single flash, single flash.
WylieAnd you're like, is that a dot or is it a dash?
MimirYeah, and I was like, uh, I'll signal back and I'll be like, uh, didn't get the full message. Uh please uh send uh send again. Um and I'll just keep yeah, yeah. Oh, there is, it's an E. Um, and I'll be like, E. Oh, and T is one. E or T. Okay, all right. Um, and so then I started going every word with E or T uh to start with. And I'm like, okay. Um Canadian. Uh how close are they?
WylieThey're getting they're definitely getting closer. They're now a quarter mile away.
MimirOh boy.
WylieThey're pretty fast.
MimirOkay, uh, I'll be like, all right, ladies and gentlemen, I think we might be under attack. This is no no drill. Uh this is uh I lot hey um um Pyra, I'm gonna need you to get some demolitions ready uh just in case we need to defend the facility. Uh Beau Jangles, I need you to lock uh uh lock all the doors, uh except for the rec room where I can get back in, please. Um and just uh go ahead and lock those uh everybody to your uh uh uh lockdown uh situation, lockdown areas, lockdown areas. Remember, follow the sign and the training that we all have had and we all know, okay.
WylieWhat was that, Kipo?
KipoWhat direction are they coming from?
WylieUm where the dog kennels are, but south of the dog kennels. Yeah.
MimirAnd um, I'll put up a map in a minute, but uh I'm gonna climb up uh lookout tower too and just get in there and see if I can get a better look before I head back down.
WylieGreat. That sounds good. Um so uh you do hear Pyra come back over the radio and she's like, All right, let's get this stuff together. She's very brief.
MimirShe's the only one that responded. She's the only one that responds. Then you just hear from Alan. I thought he turned off his radio. Java, can you make sure that radio is off? This is an emergency, all right?
KipoWhat time is it?
WylieUm in in game or in real life? Yeah, I can yeah. Oh, in game, it's it's probably around lunchtime.
MimirOkay. I also will uh it's it's what's his Yeah, because we said it was 30 minutes before lunchtime.
WylieSo yeah, it's like it's 11 30.
MimirUm what's his name that my my cohort?
WylieUm Um Oh GNar.
MimirYeah.
WylieHe's he's he's up in the tower, and once you get up to my tower? Yeah, cool. And um he's he's you see him watching with the binoculars, and he's but he's sitting in a chair, and he'll be watching the binoculars, and then he kind of slumps down and falls asleep. So right now he's kind of slumped over.
Java ScriptWake up. What do you see, GNar? What? What? What what's going on? There's a thing. What thing? What is it? It's got me something out there. What is it? Closer now.
MimirI'm gonna get on the telescope because we have a telescope in there. I'm gonna see if I can see exactly what it is.
WylieOkay. Um, give me, let's see. What would be a good check for that? Give me like a dexterity check to see if you can maneuver this big because again, this telescope was built by Slight of Hand, maybe? Um, alright. You can use it. I can argue with expertise. It was built by humans and it is heavy. So maybe strength check honestly would be better. Just make sure that you can manage it. Because like we said, the uh the League of Incredibly Smart Dudes did not really they kind of built everything for humans. And you've also noticed this as you go around the base because all of the key card panels are too high for you. So high. So you have to jump up every single time.
MimirI usually carry a chair with me. Um, like one of those step stools. It's his old step stool, and I used it.
WylieYou confiscated it and now I confiscated it.
MimirNow I use it. So my chair? Uh-huh. It's the only chair. Yeah, it's the only chair that's high enough for me.
WylieBecause you can roll it around and you can raise it up.
MimirYeah, it's really nice. Okay, uh, this would be a strength Check. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Six.
WylieAll right.
MimirSo you were lifting it and I like jump up and I'm like, I've got my chair.
WylieOh no. You're able to tip it up, but it actually like lifts you off of the ground. So now you're like dangling on the end of it. And then you're able to pull it back down, but now it's way up, so it's not gonna be any help to you at this point.
MimirUh okay. Um Do we have like an emergency channel that we uh can use? On the walkie-talkies? Yeah, just like an emergency like uh if it like a place where I can go back and like send out like, hey, we're being attacked.
WylieOh, like SOS to the uh like incredibly smart dudes.
MimirTo the mainland?
WylieYeah, but it would be back in the security office because you know, and um they don't communicate with you super frequently. Yeah. Because it is a long distance, yeah, and um, you know, and then nothing like this has ever happened before. So if anybody was monitoring that channel, they don't really pay attention.
MimirSo uh I'm gonna be like, how about jangles? I'm not sure what we got out here, but they're coming pretty quickly. Uh we're gonna need uh maybe to send out an SOS uh over the main uh channel when you get a chance. If it's fixed, um, I know they've been working on it, it's on the list. So uh just let me know. Uh we're gonna head back inside, I think. Uh, and I'll wake up um Nar and I'll be like, we gotta get going. These things are coming too quick for us.
WylieOkay. And so at this point, you can now see if you look back out, yeah, you can now see that the thing on the ground looks like a wolf or a sled dog. It looks like a dog is running on the ground or some kind of four-legged creature like that, and it looks like a humanoid is in the air.
KipoOh.
MimirOh, interesting.
KipoAlan wakes up from his nap. And he thinks that Java is his boss now because he took his old job. And so he asks Java if he can take his lunch break.
WylieAnd Java has just been alternating, listening to the radio with excitement, but also he's so excited about that thing that he found, and he's just thrilled about it. Um so he's just kind of like, oh yeah, whatever, man. Yeah, take your lunch break. I don't care.
KipoOkay. Alan grabs his little lunch box that Sandy made for him and uh goes and sits right back down in the same chair and just starts eating a sandwich.
WylieHe's not even eating Gordon's lunch.
KipoHe's just Gordon walks in.
WylieThis is like almost a lot of things.
BradAnd he's so disappointed.
WylieIt's a two-week old sandwich. No! The good thing is they're in it's a metal lunchbox and they freeze quite easily. So it's probably actually frozen.
MimirSandy is so thoughtful.
KipoWell, Sandy said uh no more carbs. It's this weird bread now that I'm it's not too bad, and you take it every morning with my shot of apple cider vinegar.
BradHey you! What are you eating sandwich? Uh I have fresh food in the in the kitchen.
KipoWell, Sandy says that it's uh that it's important uh for me to get a well balanced lunch. Um and and I really appreciate her making this for me, so I gotta eat all of it. Uh if I come back and there's any in the lunch box, she'll she'll she'll get on me. You she'll get on me about that one. Uh but I'm sure your your food is really good. Uh uh I I think you make these little colorful cookies, and I've I've tried one of those things before and it was okay. Well, okay.
BradLet's see about this. So you eat frozen sandwich, and you think that this is better than fresh cookie or fresh food in general.
KipoI I'm just trying to do what my wife tells me to do.
MimirOver the radio, you hear there's a flying guy with uh some kind of big dog and things like that. Uh I'm gonna need assistance. We gotta get out of this losing now.
BradUh, it's nothing to worry about. You say flying dog? It's just it's just my cousin Olexay. He's he's coming with more spice. It's fine.
WylieAnd uh Java's in the same room. So he's been listening to this and he's like, um uh uh your cousin can fly.
BradUh yes. He was bitten by a bat as a child. And so he uh he can fly now.
Java ScriptOkay. Um well maybe you should go out and meet him then. You know, because it sounds like Jared's real upset, and you know, we don't want him to like shoot him or anything.
MimirI'm locking and loaded over here. I've got the hand crossbow out and ready. I'm gonna try diplomatic, but if it doesn't if he doesn't answer my next Morse code, then he's locking loaded.
BradOh, I'll I'll say uh yeah, he he goes. He goes because he's like, oh, maybe that's where the spice is at. So I'll I'll go I'll go meet him at the front.
MimirDid any of the doors lock? Because I told him that it had to lock all the doors.
WylieYeah, so you had radioed Bo Jangles, and finally you hear what seems like Bo Jangles coming back on, and you just hear and you all you hear is sneezing. And so you're not really sure.
MimirNot the arcane sickness. I go, Oh no, we're down, it's over, it's all over, we're doomed, everybody. It's fight for yourselves. I start panicking.
WylieAll right, so um we've Gordon is gonna come outside. Yep. And um what does Alan do goes back to sleep?
KipoUm are the doors to the lab locked? I heard that there was a lockdown.
WylieSo Jared asked for one, but nothing. I mean, they're closed because they don't let the cold. They don't they don't let the cold are in, but it's not locked. Okay, so uh you could easily um the the most direct route for you, you could either go outside the research lab and walk outside for a while, or you could cross through the garden biosphere down through the d either the sleeping quarters or the rec room and out from uh probably the rec room or the mud room is the most direct way.
KipoSo So Alan Alan sees mops go across the doorway outside of the lab uh as he's kind of packing up his lunch, and it makes him jump, and he thinks that's what all the commotion is about.
WylieHe forgot that we have a robot.
KipoAnd so he goes, Oh, is this what this is all about? And so he gets up and he grabs, he's had um a pole, just like a wood stick that's in the corner of the lab that has been there for 40 years, probably. Uh and so he just grabs the pole and he starts walking towards Mops with the intention of like poking it and flipping it uh over or something like that.
WylieOkay, okay.
KipoYep.
WylieAnd um, so Mops is leaving the research lab, or you you saw Mops kind of going through the biosphere as it passed the doors, the doors popped open because security's not good. And um, so that kind of leads you into the lab. Um, let's see, what check should you make? Um can you make a dexterity check to see if you can hit mops?
Kipo18.
WylieYou um hit mops and um you actually you accidentally hit the um high power button. And so mops goes and it takes off outside. Um it was heading towards the dog kennels. Um so that's where he takes off, is towards the dog kennels. So you can follow him.
KipoAlan starts running after well, he doesn't run, but he's like shuffling a little, he's going a little bit quicker. Uh but he has to make sure he picks up this the stick.
WylieThe stick, yes. He grabs the stick. Uh way, guys.
KipoOh god, oh handle it.
MimirI'll handle it. Look how you just said that to an empty room. I'll handle it.
KipoThere's literally no. He talks to himself frequently. Yes.
WylieOkay. Um. Alright, so we're gonna put, let's see, I'm gonna put our characters out on the map. Um, and I just realized we don't have character art for Alan Fizzard. Sorry. That's okay. I will um hang on. Not yet. Yeah. That's your job. Breach pause, and I will add the character art real quick. One second. We'll use a temp one for Alan. Okay, I'm putting your characters on right now, and we'll resize them, but I'm leaving them bigger.
MimirHoly smokes, Fizzard's a stud. That's the most attractive guy I've ever seen in my life.
WylieThat's actually something I made for Winter's Crest. The um the campaign that Kippo did at Christmas time. So um, you hang on. It should be on a different screen now. That's primarily a white background. Yeah, maybe try reloading. So you guys can see each other's character art for the first time. Um, we've got Jared Vernsklerl. We have a temporary stand-in for Alan Fizzard. Yep, sounds good. Um, and you know, honestly, I don't know why Sandy was sending him out to the base.
MimirYeah, seriously, pretty cool guy. He's a stud.
WylieAnd uh then we've got Gordon. And so that location, kind of right by the rocks, um, is gonna represent the entrance to the base. Okay. I'm gonna make our characters a little smaller because a bigger map. So feel free to zoom in.
MimirI see both of these guys come outdoors, and I'm like, What's the chef?
WylieWhere's my pyra? And you're pretty sure that Bo Jangles could handle himself in a fight. And you're like, Pyra could at least blow some people up, and that's not you know who who is coming out the door right now.
MimirI've never seen you like rage or anything like that. I've seen you get angry, but I'm like, oh, he just has like tempered tantrum. Yeah. And then you, I think, like, I think the highest of you. Like, I have such a high, like, because I'm like, I call you when I when I talk to you, I call you Dr. Fizzard. You have two doctorates. Like, I think you're the smartest guy in the world because you've been here for so long. I read all of your old notes and stuff that you used to have. I have a book of just your old notes. Um, most is gibberish, but I just am like, oh yeah, this guy's a legend. So when you come out with your stuff chasing mops, yeah, I'm like, yes. We're saved. I've got a picture of him.
WylieSo scene, we are outside the research base. Alan Fizzard, Gordon Ramshield, and Jared Varn Squirrel are outside the base. Um GNar Kolepsy is still up in the uh lookout tower. Um Jared, are you in the lookout tower? Or are you?
MimirNo, I'll head down. Do I see both of these guys come out?
WylieYeah, you probably see them come out the door.
MimirAnd Mops. Um maybe running for its life.
WylieStumbling around in the snow. You gotta see it do a big U-turn and actually like head back towards the dog kennel because Mops is not supposed to be outside. It will freeze very quickly. So it's realized that it has gone too aggressively outside of its zone and is heading back in.
MimirI see uh Alan come out and I go, Oh, Dr. Fizard, oh, you're here, you're here to help. All right, hey, Ramshield, what are you doing out here?
BradWhere'd that robot go? I'm just coming to meet Olixay. He should have my spice.
MimirOh, this guy, you know this guy?
BradWell, actually, quick question. This guy is flying, right? Okay, okay. Is when he the way in which he is flying, how is he flying? Is it just like on the line, straight? Like just like yeah, just kind of Superman like flying.
WylieSo he's kind of um stand-up flying. Um, so he's standing up and um, but flying kind of straightforward, sort of like a almost like a creepy vampire would fly. Um and he's not, but he's not like he's kind of like wobbling all of like this does not seem like the most efficient way to fly. It seems like he's not that good at flying. Um, and the dog is running on the snow ahead of him. And now that you guys are as soon as you all kind of come outside, you see this wizard, you can tell that it's kind of a stocky humanoid, but you can't see like facial stuff super well. It's a little bit far still. Um, but you see another great big blast of lightning come out from this flying humanoid towards the dog that is running across the ice towards you.
MimirT-E. You know this guy?
BradYeah, on the sorry. Oh yes, this this is Alex A. Uh he doesn't fly straight. He he's like a bat where he's all over the place. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure this is all right. You're related to a bat? No, no, he got bit by a bat, and now he flies like a bat. So when he flies, it is kind of weird. I just I'm like, what?
MimirLike, I'm speechless. At that point, I'm like, huh.
BradYeah, he's just bringing spice, although the lightning thing is new.
MimirI um can I do I uh was there any scheduled like delivery or Amazoon was coming anytime soon?
WylieEverything that comes is um like teleported because it is not practical for anybody to fly all the way up to where you guys you are very far from any inhabited, you're at the most northern point of the earth, and you have not seen Santa Claus or anything similar to that before.
MimirThat was on my list of asking if I if it was Santa Claus.
WylieLiterally the first life forums that you guys have seen, and you know that there are other research bases up here because you know there's other people who are competing with the arcane intelligence, but um you have never met any of them. And so um at this point, the dog is getting pretty close to you guys. He's he's running, he looks like you can kind of tell ears tucked, tail tucked, the dog is about to reach you guys.
MimirOne of our dogs?
WylieUm it doesn't, I mean, all the dogs kind of look the same, um, probably generally to you. Um, but it doesn't you don't think it's necessarily your dog. I mean, as far as it's not from all like somebody it took like boarded in and then like is No, I think that you would have knowledge that all the dogs were inside because you're very, you know, as you're secure, you probably took like take I took every hour.
MimirIt's a long walk. It's a long, it's weird. But it's a long walk.
WylieAs part of your rounds, you walk through the kennels and make sure all the dogs are in there okay until uh okay.
MimirUm I'm gonna just shout out to them. Uh and I'll be like, all right, guys, I'll handle this. Hello!
WylieTo the to the farmer person. I'm just gonna say, hello. Mm-hmm. Um so the dog is right up in front of you guys. It comes up and it run like it probably runs towards Gordon, who smells the most delicious, and it kind of jumps up, like paws on his chest, just like like a dog that's excited but also scared, and it c tucks behind you guys. And you can um give me a perception check, everybody.
MimirUh D20? 20. That's a natural 19. 11 26.
Wylie26. 11, 26, 2, 2. All right.
MimirWhich checks out.
WylieSo Alan is like, oh, what a cute dog. I'm 14. 14. 14? I forgot. That's a little better. Okay. Um, so you how do you respond to a dog jumping up on you? But you can kind of tell something's not right. This is not like just a happy, sweet dog coming to say hi.
MimirI'm just like, um hello, Slovaka. How's it going? What is wrong? Is this your dog?
BradNo, I I do not have dog. Who's like nice code?
MimirWho's Slovaka?
BradSo no, Slovaka, dog. It's the same different words.
MimirYeah, I don't speak that language.
BradYeah, yeah, yeah.
MimirI speak five different languages, don't speak that one.
BradYeah, yeah. So Slovaka, it just means dog.
WylieAnd Jared, you had a pretty high role. Yeah, 26. 20 with the 26, you can see that the wizard is preparing to cast another lightning bolt spell.
MimirAt us?
WylieAt the dog, which is right in front of you guys. And um, I don't know if you um know uh you if Jared would know a lot about the lightning bolt spell, but he's been he's been seeing it cast.
MimirYeah, can I make an arcana check? Sure. Uh that's uh nine.
WylieOkay. Um, I mean it that you see blue lightning forming in his hands. And he you've you've seen him firing this. Yeah. And you saw it as a beam. It wasn't just like like a little beuw! It was like a big beam.
MimirUh I'm gonna I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna stand in front of them. Um because I don't know what the spell is. And so I'm gonna stand in a straight line in front of them. Um, and I'm gonna be like, excuse me, Mr. Wizard, uh, one second. I'll handle this. Um, I'm gonna need you to uh halt all aggression. Um we're gonna need to have you fill out some paperwork. I pull out some paperwork in my back pocket. Uh just fill out a couple of these visitor forms and voila, we'll get you right as rain. Okay, let's roll for initiative.
BradCan uh can I first see if uh perception-wise, can Gordon tell if it is his cousin Olox C?
WylieUm, what did you roll?
BradFirst I did a 14.
WylieOh, a 14? Okay, with a 14, you could tell you don't recognize this in the case. Okay, okay. Yeah, he's not he familiar.
BradI'm just like, hello guys, uh, this is not my cousin. I don't know who this man is. It's too late for that.
MimirI stood in front of you. I thought this was your cousin. In my brain, I'm just like racking, like, is he does he live right down the street? Like what the heck?
BradAlright, I have a 19.
Wylie19 for Gordon. Eight. And eight for Alan.
MimirUh five. Looking for the pen. Yeah.
WylieOkay. Jaren. Okay. Um, the dog is currently tucked behind you guys. Um and the wizard is preparing a spell. Um, Jared tried to intervene, tried to persuade. Um, I will let you roll a persuasion check if you would like.
MimirMm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, persuasion is I'm so good at that. Okay, so I rolled a two minus one. So on uh unnatural one.
WylieAn unnatural one.
MimirIt's a dirty one out here.
WylieAll right, so that wizard does not stop and he casts the lightning bolt spell.
MimirHe doesn't want to fill out paperwork the first time he's at this base.
WylieSo a stroke of lightning a hundred foot long and five feet wide blasts straight forward from him in that direction. Um, so each of you, let's see, each of you in line with the dog. So Jared Gordon and the dog are gonna need to make a dexterity saving throw.
unknownOkay.
BradFor the D20? Yes.
WylieAnd then you can add your deck save modifiers.
BradI have an unnatural 20.
WylieNice.
MimirAn 11 for me.
WylieAn eleven.
MimirUm, but I will use uncanny dodge as a reaction.
WylieOh great, great, awesome.
MimirOh no, I can't use that. Sorry. That's if I level up more, which we won't. It's a different ability. I always get confused.
Java ScriptAnd I'm gonna go for the dog.
WylieOkay. Okay, um, so okay, fortunately. Alright. Um fortunately, you all are only taking half damage. The dog is out of the way, um, and but this is gonna be a lot of d6. There's a nice dice sounds. Okay. I am sorry guys, I rolled pretty good. Um, so we have Wait, I saved with an 11? Mm-hmm. Wow. It was a low, it was a low DC, but you still take half. Um, so hang on. Total damage. Six, twelve, fourteen, eighteen, twenty two, twenty th uh, twenty-four. So half of twenty-four. So twelve lightning damage.
MimirThat's the half?
WylieThat's the half. Okay, so a blast of lightning comes from this flying figure. You guys all get hit. Um, the dog also gets hit, but is okay um because he took half, and um, you hear the dog yelp, and he flees, and he follows the door that Mop's left open inside the base to the dog kennels. Um okay, and so now, Gordon, you are up next.
BradOkay. Um so the thing about Gordon is that he is actually a pacifist now. And so uh the the one problem we have here is how to um I have no idea what his uh yeah, I have a plus one on charisma, so we'll see how this goes. But um he's he's a little perturbed that this guy is uh you know trying to hurt this dog. Um but he's trying to work through his anger management, you know. And so he you know, through all the training that he's been trying to go through and you know grow as an individual, so he's going to uh look at this guy and say, whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy, can you please calm down? Let's talk this out. What is happening here? Can we uh can we just talk man to man? Alright? Can we please?
WylieUh you're saying that to the wizard.
BradYes.
WylieUh he's not responding to you. I mean he's he's flying in the air and he's still Um, I mean because you know it's your initiative order he not technically moving, but he's he's still just continuing to come towards the base. Okay, he's not really making eye contact with you, not responding.
BradOkay. So what uh two things. One, I think for how far away because what if I see on the map, right, he's still a good ways away. I say a good ways away.
WylieLike I can see him, but you can see him and he would be in range for any um distance weapons.
BradSo I think what what Gordon would do in this moment is he he doesn't want to uh he doesn't want to be that man that he was before. So so he is working at, you know, just not you know going off the cuff and just raging. So he's actually just gonna not what is it? Are you uh your turn?
WylieOh, you're gonna delay your initiative? Yes. Are you gonna hold a specific action or you just want to delay your initiative?
MimirI just delayed now.
WylieUh you want to speak?
MimirYeah, okay.
WylieI'm gonna be like, get inside quick! We're gonna lock down the facility. This guy is crazy. Okay. Um so Gordon, you're gonna hold at this point. Okay.
BradI'll still hold where I am, but not yeah, I'm not gonna do anything yet.
WylieOkay, okay. Um, Alan, you're up next.
KipoAlan sees the lightning hit everybody. Um, and he was fumbling, uh, putting on his leather gloves that Sandy gave him because frostbite. Uh, because he's outside. So he jumps back and drops one of the gloves, but he has one on. Um they're very special gloves to him. And uh he just looks up at where the lightning came from, sees the finally sees the guy floating in the air. Um, and casts hold person. He's within 60 feet, I'm guessing. At least from what I can see here. 510, 15, 20, 20, 50, 30, 50, 50 50.
WylieOkay.
KipoOkay.
WylieAnd so do it does he get a save against that?
KipoYeah, you have to succeed a wisdom saving throw.
WylieOkay, wisdom saving throw. Alright. Okay. He definitely fails. That was a four.
MimirYep. Okay.
WylieAlright, so you cast hold person. Yes. And he is up there in the sky, and so he immediately plummets from the sky, falls to the earth in a snowbank, or you know, it's pretty. If you guys have been out negative 30, it's pretty hard ice. That is not a soft ground. That's like falling onto concrete. So he comes crashing down onto the ground. Um. Yep. Okay.
KipoSo he's paralyzed until the end of his turn. He can do another wisdom saving throw.
unknownOkay.
WylieAt the end of his next turn? Yep. Alright. Uh, and next up is Jared.
MimirUm, that changes the game a little bit. I'm gonna be like, oh, this guy. All right. Um, so I'm going to scissor. You know, I'm like, I look to you and I'm like, you're a real hero. I knew I could use you as a backup. You see my stupid. Um, I take out my uh crossbow, I load it, uh, and then I'm gonna rush towards this individual. Um, and I'm gonna uh bonus action uh dash to get up there, uh up to 50 feet, up to that, and I'm gonna hold uh the crossbow out in front of me, shaking, and I'm gonna be like, you're under arrest uh for attacking the chef and myself. Um please don't move. Um I'm a hero. Um and then I'm gonna put them in handcuffs, uh is what I'm gonna attempt to do.
WylieOkay.
MimirUm if I have like zip ties or whatever.
WylieOkay, yeah. Um so yeah, you run up and approach the body, the the the you know, it's laying on the ground, and um the it looks paralyzed. Um and so you go to put on handcuffs and you find his left wrist and you snap your handcuffed on it, and you go for the right wrist, and there's not a hand there.
MimirOh. Um I'm gonna just handcuff him to me. I'm gonna be like, you're under arrest. Oh, okay. Um you're not going anywhere, Buster. Uh and I'll handcuff him to me. Uh and I'll put away my crossbow. Um and I'm gonna start searching him awkwardly because one of my hands is now handcuffed to this individual. Um, does he have any weapons or anything on him?
WylieUm, as you search him, no. And he is he's dressed like a researcher.
MimirOh, okay.
WylieUm, so now that you get a close look at him, we can look at the character art a bit bigger. Um so he is like his eyes are completely vacant at this point. Like, you suspect he might be dead? You're like that, this seems like I mean, he fell pretty hard onto some pretty high ground. And so um, as why don't you give me, I know you're pretty good at investigation, why don't you give me an investigation track? Okay.
MimirYeah, definitely I can do that. Ooh. Uh I have uh expertise in it, so uh that's a 24. Oh I'm really good at two things, and that's investigation and perception, and that's it.
WylieOkay. Um, so you can tell that he is a Duergar, which is um a race of dwarves that typically live underground, and they're known um for their massive cities that are in the underdark. Yeah. Um, but you can tell that he's wearing researcher clothes. He's clearly a researcher. Um, as you can see by the picture, um, he's got a lab coat and stuff, and he definitely appears to be a wizard based on the spells, the lightning bolt spell, and that's a wizard spell. Um, so you're like, definitely seems like a wizard, and from but not from our base. You know, he's he's definitely, as in all of the hundred and plus days that you've been at this base not leaving, even with the rotating cruise every two weeks, you have not ever seen this individual work here before.
MimirIs he dead?
WylieHe seems to be. And well, with that investigation check, yeah, he's dead.
MimirOkay, he's dead. So he fell and like Fizzard killed him.
WylieUm you can determine how you want to break that news to Fizzard.
MimirI don't know if Fizzard has ever killed anybody before. Can I make like a medicine check to stabilize him, maybe?
WylieYou can try, but it's very cold and he fell very hard.
MimirNo, that makes sense.
WylieYou can try. You can always try.
MimirAlways trying. I'm going to try a medicine check. 16. Fails. Okay. Um I'm gonna be like, uh, I'm gonna yell really loud. I'm gonna be like, oh no, he's attacking me. He's reaching for my crossbow. And I'll just bap him, bap him once, because I could never break, I could never break the news. Uh, and I'll shoot him once. Um just through the neck. Um so there's that.
WylieOkay. Um is he and he's still handcuffed to you. Yep.
MimirAnd I'm gonna be like, don't worry, everybody. I've taken down uh the enemy. Um I'm gonna be like, excuse me, chef, could you help me out? I can't lift him.
BradGordon walks up and he's like, oh no, you didn't have to kill him. We could have just Tied him up or something.
MimirI it's my bad. Um he was reaching for my weapon. Good job, Jared. Thank you, Dr. Wizard. Um, and I'll be like, the key to the handcuffs are back in the office, so I'm gonna need you to carry both of us. Gordon picks up the body, and you're just like strong, like just like does he have um like that uh in the picture I see, but I don't know if that's super accurate. Um does he have like that journal on him or no? Does he not have anything on him?
WylieNo, he actually doesn't, yeah, he doesn't even have a staff or anything. Like that's kind of those extra accroutments, like he maybe has some pens. I'll take all the pens. I need extra. And um at this point, Pyra runs out and she's like, What can I blow up? Where is it? And she's like, the the fuel shed was locked. And she like glares at you. So here's the thing the only door in this place that's locked, and it's to my stuff.
MimirThat's my bad. Um I'm handcuffed to a dead body, so we'll get back to you on that one.
WylieSo nothing, nothing for me to blow up now.
MimirIt's a false alarm, I'll call it a false alarm. Oh, we've dealt, I've dealt with the situation, and um and you don't have to worry about anything. Uh everybody can go back to normal. You can unlock all the doors, um, and uh go back to normal situation. We're we're gonna interrogate a dead person, I think. Interrogate a dead person.
BradUh don't worry, he killed an unarmed man.
MimirIt's not true. That's not true. Um he was reaching for my crossbow, I swear. Gosh, I'm sweating.
BradHe must have reached with his one good hand.
MimirYeah, three. He only has one hand. Oh gosh. I start filling out a report.
WylieYou start filling out a report while you're going in.
MimirWhile we're walking in and he's hanging. I'm filling out a report, but I am telling that I am in the report, I am putting the truth that Fizzard killed this individual. And then I, it's all truthful. And then I pretended to kill him because I couldn't break the news of Fizzard.
WylieDon't even say, like, I shot him first with the crossbow and then killed him. It was like completely.
MimirAnd then I shot a dead body. Um, and then I'm handcuffed and being carried by the chef. So yeah.
WylieAll right, so we're gonna switch back to our view of the base um as we navigate through. Um, as you guys come up to the dog kennels, um Gore or um GNar says, Hey, um, what what do you want me to do with this guy? And he points to the dog, and the dog is really happy now, and he's wiggling and wagging his tail, and he like seems like really happy to be with you guys. And oh, we can make we can Is it just the dog? Um, that's that's what he's doing.
MimirOr like, does the dog have anything on it or anything?
WylieUm, you can investigate and see. Yeah.
MimirUm, can you lower me towards the dog, please? I'm still here. I'm trying to try to make sure it's playing okay. Uh I'll actually be like, uh, can you search the dog? Let me know what you find. Um and tell Nar to do this? Yeah. Which I know it's not gonna be done. So um just add him to the kennels, um, feed him, make sure he's all taken care of and everything, okay? Okay. I gotta unhandcuff myself to a dead body, so that's kind of what I'm working on right now, Nar.
WylieSo this is what the dog book is, but he does not have all this gear. He the dog just has a collar.
MimirOkay.
WylieUm, and so GNar is able to find a collar. Oh good. He's like, that that he's like, where where do things on dogs? The collar. And um GNar's like, um, he's got collar, but um uh uh, I don't know what this says. So somebody want to read it.
MimirYeah, I could I could uh look at it since he's not picking me back up.
WylieSo the dog's collar says that the dog's name is Finn. Kind of looks like my dog Finn. And um, so the dog's name is Finn, and then on the dog collar, it also says Istid Jokul, which you know is another research center up here.
BradCan you say the name of that research?
WylieIstid Jokul. And I'll even let's see if I can put that in a text. Oh, I can spell it for you if you want. I-S T I D J O K U L. Istid Jokul
MimirI did not spell thats right the first time. I was two letters away. Classic D D notes. Classic.
WylieAlright, so um GNar is gonna go take the dog and get him settled in the kennels where it's nice and warm. And you guys are heading, uh, where are the keys?
MimirUh they're in my office, which uh is probably the storage room? Yeah, the storage room. Where in that's the only door that's currently locked. Okay. Yeah. Um that and the explosives.
WylieUm the explosives are outside in the fuel shed.
MimirOh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah. They're in a fully filled room.
WylieOkay. So I've loaded an image of the uh storage room. Cool. Just for fun, but we're probably not gonna be in there all that long.
MimirUh I grab the key from the storage room, unlock it, uh, and I'll be like. So I'm walking in with you. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna be like, you've done a great service this day. I want you to know that.
BradYou're welcome. Um actually, while while we're in there, um, I'm actually gonna try to persuade this guy to let me have my spices.
MimirMy spices. Well, what I'm gonna do next is look at the body. So you probably could stealthily do it if you want to try to stealthily like uh look for the spices or something.
KipoTrying to see if I like what would your personality do? Yeah.
BradI would probably still persuade, but I would probably be grabbing it as I'm talking. Like, yeah, if you don't mind, I would like to actually get my spice. It's uh I have a very special dish. Uh in light of everything going on today, I I will make my mother's homemade pierogi, which will be fantastic. But I need the specific spice.
MimirYou only can have one spice, alright? Oh, okay. And this is as long as your rotation, alright? So only one spice per rotation, okay? One spice for rotation.
WylieOne spice every two weeks.
MimirEvery two weeks, you get one spice.
BradWell, well, this one actually calls for two spices.
unknownHmm.
BradThis one calls for two spices.
WylieIf Jared is acknowledging that they're spices, is he still worried that they're drugs? Um, why would he be withholding spices? Um is he fearful that the um sewage system will get backed up if everybody is eating too much delicious Food?
MimirI think that's kind of the the idea is like, I don't know what's in these spices. I'm not like a chef or anything, so I don't know if they're actually drugs or not. Um, but they always set off the beeper.
WylieYou know?
MimirAnd so I'm like, ooh.
BradUm I'd be like, one spice. Uh so can I like roll persuasion?
WylieUm it we usually don't roll player versus player.
MimirOh, okay. Okay. I did roll it for my, and I rolled an 18, so that's why I stuck to my guns there.
WylieIt would be, yeah, because it's not really fair to force a player to do something that they wouldn't do. But he did say one spice, and so you could accept one spice and take a few more. Yes. Because you feel like he's distracted and you're like, oh, which one? And he's focusing on the body, probably.
BradOkay, I I will only take one today. But I take as many as possible in my hand, but enough where I'm not too, you know, with him being distracted enough to get like probably about three or four.
WylieOkay. Why don't you roll a sight of hand and you roll a perception with disadvantages?
MimirWould it go off of my passive perception?
WylieI think you're distracted.
MimirOkay.
WylieSo I think we should roll because um it's a disadvantage. Because you're you're really I was I assume you're pretty interested in this body.
MimirYes, I'm gonna do, yeah, I'm doing a health.
WylieYou don't, you're probably kind of like, I don't even care about spices right now.
MimirOkay. All right.
WylieAnd so you're doing a sleight of hand. Is that a two?
BradIt's a two plus uh plus two. It's a four. I got twenty-four.
WylieOh my goodness.
BradYeah.
WylieSo he can just tell by he doesn't even have to look at you. He can hear. Uh uh. You're not even looking at him. You're just focused on the body, and you're like, one spice.
BradI'm trying to find the right. Yeah, okay, Mr. The one right spice. My bad. My bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
WylieAll right. And do you leave or are you gonna hang out and watch him investigate this body?
MimirHe also can't move. I'm bloody. Like, I'm like, half my health is gone.
BradHe would probably stick around just to just to like be of help.
WylieOkay, okay. Um, so you already did a pretty good investigation on the body. You don't find anything different.
MimirCan I look at it as like, is this wound that he has? Was that like something he was born with? Or is it like something that he his arm got chopped off? Or something?
WylieIt looks very fresh.
MimirOh, okay. Um, so I'm going to um maybe tie I'm gonna tie up the body um because I don't know like necromancy stuff. You know, I'm doing all of the guidebook things. Um and so I tie up the body with a rope.
WylieDo you consult your manual?
MimirYeah, 100%. Yeah, fully.
WylieAnd you're like, where's the chapter of what to do with the dead body?
MimirFlying wizard uh that dies off impact. Um and so yeah, so I'm gonna I'm gonna be like, uh that. Do we have a radio signal to the other base? Like, no.
WylieOkay.
MimirSo we would have to travel out there.
WylieYou would have to travel. How far away is that? Um, um, so let me I I think it would be fine if you know. You don't need to consult anyone else. You would know. Let me see. If you consult, um no, you would probably know, because you're you're really serious about security and you want to know where everybody else is. Um, so you know that it is a research center that is one hour north of you by dog sled. Okay. And that makes sense because they came from the north. Um, so you heard that. So um it'll take you one hour to get there. Um and you also know that it was founded by the Dwarven Gnomish Alliance, okay, which is rock gnomes and dwarves. Okay. And so the fact that this is a duergar makes makes sense because um, particularly because of their experience with subterranean kingdoms and the underdark and stuff like that, um, and digging and construction and surviving. So it completely makes sense. Um, so you would also know that you guys have eight sled dogs, which means that you can pull two sleds carrying two humanoids each. So a total of four individuals can go to this research base if you feel like a mission is necessary. So that would potentially mean the three of you plus one NPC could join you. Um and while we're talking about the dogs, let's just get a little, you know, let's be um introduced to our dogs real quick in the dog kennel. So we're gonna go to our dog kennel map.
MimirI know you're coming. And then I know you have to come because we need food on the roads. I'm trying to figure out why you're coming, to be honest. I need to keep an eye on you so you don't steal all my spice. Oh, it's your spice now. It is.
KipoMaybe Joe Cool uh kitchen has spices I can take.
BradUm actually, my my uncle, I think, works there every time. I mean, there's always a family member. He's actually a part of the mob.
WylieUm so the list of our dogs is we have Bucky, Ravi, Oli, Skibbi, Rizzler, Porridge, Parmesan, and Sir Gorgeous Fluffington- Aloysius- Capernaum. But you guys just call him Good Boy George.
BradGood boy George. Where's Ohio?
WylieUm, that's in the United States, which is not on this planet. As this is Earth, as that is Earth and this is Nerthus. So very different. So this is your dog lineup that you have of your total of eight dogs, four per sled. Um, it sounded like you were pretty worried about Beau Jangles. Do you want to go check on him?
MimirI'm gonna, I'm gonna uh we're gonna leave the body here wrapped up.
WylieIn in the fuel shed.
MimirYeah, in the fuel shed.
WylieOkay, I'm gonna go put him in the fuel shed on our maps real quick. Oh, sorry, dog.
MimirOr the the storage side. Storage side where my office is.
WylieUm I love that I did not make you an office.
MimirNo, I created the office in the storage because they didn't have to be.
WylieThey're like, aren't the lookout towers good enough?
MimirAnd I'm like, no, please. Um, that body's way too big. Let's go. What am I gonna do here? Um a couple of things is is it night time? What oh, it's it's noon, right? It's noon. Okay, well we should eat.
WylieAnd if you want more um, you know, info, you could probably consult Java about weather conditions, things like that. Yeah.
MimirI think I think I'll I'll do two things. Um I'm gonna be like food ready for lunch so we can discuss over Yes, yes.
BradI I have delicious pierogi made for you guys.
MimirYou know, you may cause the most trouble in the station, um, besides the events today. Um, but let me tell you, you make great food.
BradOh, thank you very, very much. I appreciate it.
MimirEven without the spices.
BradNo, but but the spices just take it to the top. It it makes it to 11, you know, out of 10.
MimirThat's what I'm afraid of. Um I'm gonna be like, uh, we'll meet you out there. Um Doctor uh Fizzard, um, would you be okay accompanying us to this um research station out here?
KipoUm Well, I haven't had a spice since 2008.
MimirThat's not what I'm talking about, Doctor.
KipoNeed you to focus.
MimirNeed you to focus here.
KipoOh, yes. Oh, I'm I'm just happy to help out wherever you need me. Looks like Ga java is gonna have it all locked down in in the lab. Um, so if I I'd love a little field trip.
MimirOkay, great. Um, I'm gonna go check on Bo Jangles and see if he's alive. Uh, because he was sneezing last time over the radio and he hasn't responded since. Um, and then I'm gonna tell GNar to be like, um, but could you start getting the dogs ready? Um, and just get I real quick, this is just gonna bother me. Did the dog bite off this dude's arm? I just gotta know. It was there bite marks on this dude when I was checking out the body.
WylieYeah, you investigated the body pretty good. So no. It was there was no teeth marks.
MimirI just didn't want to leave the base with a dog that's killer. Um, that's kind of my only concern.
WylieIt more looked like the entire hand had been ripped off.
MimirGreat. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Cool. Um, I'm gonna check in with Bo Jangles and see if he.
unknownOkay.
WylieUm, so as you're you guys he was kind of heading towards the kitchen to have lunch ready. So as you guys were kind of walking that way, um, you see Bo Jangles coming on in, you know, for to the kitchen for some lunch. So he's he's heading back in.
MimirUh I'm just gonna like stand up uh because everybody's here kind of now, right?
WylieYeah, you can you can say everybody assembled in the kitchen.
MimirI'm gonna make an announcement. I'm gonna be like, all right, ladies and gentlemen, um we have a pretty serious uh thing going on here. Um would you mind to stand up, please? No, I am standing up. Oh, can you bring my stool over? Uh and I over the stool, and then I Is it my chair? Yeah. It's my chair. I climb on, you won't remember. Uh I climb on the stool, um the chair, and then I I make this announcement. I'm gonna be like, all right, everybody. Um so we were under attack um recently. Uh we're gonna take. And I did not get to blow up anything. No, but we are gonna take you, Pyra. I think.
BradUm and just for the record, it was not my cousin Oleg Zay.
MimirIt was not anybody in his family that we know of. Um, because he could be adopted or something, you never know.
BradUh I I I don't think so.
WylieYou have a lot of family. Beau Jangles is eating and not really paying attention. He's like, well, that s a relief.
MimirUm, and I'll be like, um, so I will be uh Nar will be in charge of the security systems while we are gone. Um, and we'll be uh taking um uh if Dr. Fizzard, uh if you have a say in this, but um if you want to come with and Pyra, um, and we'll be taking uh Gordon uh because he has the most family. Um, and so there's just a 50-50% chance if his family members are gonna be there or not.
BradSo yeah, they they will probably be there.
MimirUm but Pyra, we're gonna take you uh in case we need to blow a hole into their security system and things like that. So I bring lots of dynamite on it. Yes, more dynamite than ever. Oh, maybe my uncle Boris will be there.
WylieCan we have dinner with your family?
MimirOf course. Um, I make that announcement. Um and then I siddle up next to Fizzard. I'm gonna be like, Dr. Fizzard, and I'll go. Alright, Doc, I don't know what's gonna happen here. I'm really concerned. I'm sure everything should just work out just fine. The guy's arm, like his hand was fully missing from his body.
KipoYou know, that reminds me of a friend I used to have. He of course he's take notes. He's dead. He's dead now, but he was missing a part of his knee. Okay. And he, you know, he made it work.
MimirThis guy's dead. Like he's he's dead, Dr. Fizzard. Like, I shot him. Just like a low like tear, just like I can't bring myself to lie to Dr. Fizzard. Um so yeah, uh, can we take like a short rest or something?
WylieSo, your characters can take a short rest.
MimirCool.
WylieUm, at the same time, I would like each of you to um give me a cons send me privately a constitution saving throw as well as a D100 roll.
BradThat's my cocaine. It's the drugs.
WylieUm, and if you can type that through messaging so that it reminds private. Or you can send me an email if that's easier. All right, so we're having lunch. We're taking a short rest. Feel free to roll any of your health die that you would like. I think um Jared is on oh, some of you guys you took some half damage too, didn't you, Gordon? Um so feel free to take the opportunity to restore your health. You know, I'll even say you don't even have to use up your hit die. I'll say with the rest plus um the food and everything. I'm gonna say you guys get restored to full health.
BradOh, sweet. Cool. Nice. I like that.
WylieYeah, we can save those hit die for later. So it seems like we've determined that we're going to the Istid Jokul Research Center. Um, Pyra is going, as well as Jared, Alan, and um Gordon. And um, and you guys are prepping the dogs and getting ready to go. Yeah.
Java ScriptAnd so as you're getting ready to go, um, Java lets you know um hey, I've been consulting the weather reports and there is a storm in cabbage. So the stormb is due to hit here in about five hours. It'll take about one hour to get there.
MimirOkay.
Java ScriptUh another hour to get back. Easy. So maybe we'll just spend about two hours at the base. Okay.
MimirI'll touch him on the shoulder and I'll be like, I'm so proud of you. You're a hero.
Java ScriptAnd uh Java looks a little like nobody's nobody's ever told me that before.
MimirThat's tough. Uh I'll touch him on the shoulder again. I'll be like, um, what about the vase that we picked up? You can get any information on that.
Java ScriptThat thing we found?
MimirYeah.
Java ScriptIt's pretty cool, isn't it?
MimirI don't know what it is.
Java ScriptUh I don't either yet. But I'm gonna investigate the whole time you're gone.
MimirYeah. When I get back, I want you, the hero, to get that vase uh done, alright? And make a full report. Here's the and I pull out 20 pages. Um, and I'm like, this is the arcane report that the wizards want us to do. You know, I but I made some photocopies of some extras and things like that, okay? All right.
Java ScriptIf you find any interesting research, you bring it back to for me, okay?
MimirI will. If if Pyra doesn't blow it up, I will.
Java ScriptBecause because maybe they know at the other base. Maybe they've been finding these things all over the place. Or maybe they have a log that could help me uh interpret these hieroglyphs.
MimirThose were a lot of words. And I'm proud of you.
Java ScriptHieroglyphs means markings that are like words.
MimirAnd I'm just gonna leave the conversation halfway through him talking to me.
WylieAnd as you as you walk away, um Java, who is um a halfling and does live for quite some time as well, is like, wow, I've I'm 50 years old and no one ever told me.
Java ScriptI'm a hero.
MimirEveryone's a hero in their own story. Um uh cool. Um I will make sure everything is set. Um I will leave um GNar. Uh he has all the keys, also, I'm guessing. Um so I don't have to leave any keys with him.
WylieUm, plus most of the doors are never locked ever.
MimirYep, yeah. Um and I'm gonna make sure uh he fills out a report, a couple of reports on uh every hour that we're gone. Um and I'm gonna make sure that he fills out a bunch of reports, which he will not do. Um so I've already made reports uh already written up. Um and just checking on the arcane thing, um, uh making sure that leak is not that big of a deal and things like that. Um and just yeah, just making sure that everything is uh kosher and um yeah, making sure everything's all alright and keeping ready.
WylieK trying to get it all locked down before you go.
MimirYep.
WylieCool. All right. Okay, so we're gonna take off towards the base. So you've got the dogs all harnessed up and you're ready to go.
BradUh Gordon has packed just a bunch of snacks and food, being the chef, you know, has brought, you know, kind of like your um, you got your uh road snacks, you know, for a road trip. That's that's what Gordon has done. He's made tons of macarons. Uh just out of the stress of today, he just really has to take the time to just like de stress. And so he's made probably like over a hundred macarons just in a big, you know, sack. Um, and you know, some nuts and uh like kind of trail mix too, he's bringing along. So yeah. Great.
WylieAwesome. Uh what does Alan do to prepare for this journey?
KipoYeah, Alan for the last half hour at least has just been putting on layers and and like sat in the sled way too many minutes before anyone else was even outside.
WylieHe's been sitting there under the blankets, his hands are folded, he's just waiting.
KipoAnd he's got on like just the dumbest looking jacket with like a hood, and it's all scrunched up, so all he can see is like a little bit out of his eyes. And he's just he's like doing this.
WylieWas he reading a book while he was waiting there? Reading a book. No, just staring.
MimirNo, just staring. Just waiting. He got there five minutes. It took him five minutes to put on the later layers, but then it's 25 minutes of him sitting.
unknownso good.
KipoSo that's all he did to prepare was uh just put all of his uh his layers on and he just wants to be warm and he brought absolutely nothing else. It's just that, like not even his uh well, his lunch is empty now. He did eat all that. Um but not a stick. He put that back in the corner where it's supposed to be. And that's it.
WylieAwesome. Great.
BradUm also Gordon brings a frying pan that's just like one of his like you you never know, like people's uh like the cast iron frying pans. Because like people's are seasoned differently, so he's always gonna have it with him. You know, it's like it's special and he takes it everywhere with him. So they're going somewhere else, and even if he cooks there, he's gotta make sure he's got his uh frying pan.
WylieYeah, yeah, because um Gordon knows that like often the way to peace is to cook for other people. Right. And so he thinks that maybe he can make some new friends over there, cook them some dinner, use their spices, bring their spices back.
MimirWe're so screwed.
BradI'm doing it. It is all about connections, all right? Yeah.
WylieAll right. Um, so can you guys give me a group nature check to see how well you drive the dogs? You are not bringing GNAR with you. So Yep.
BradNature, okay. That's D20.
WylieYeah, plus Nature. Roll a D20.
BradOr do I do a nature plus nature?
WylieYeah, roll a d20 plus your nature.
BradOkay. Do you need me to go ahead and say it?
MimirYeah, what have you got?
BradI got a 12. 12 or 13.
WylieOkay. That's not too bad. Um actually, so the um the six was the bare minimum for just getting there in one hour. So you would hire a roll. Um, I don't think she has any nature. Oh, no. Um, maybe she does. Uh she's uh artifice or tiefling, so it's uh I don't even know where that is on there. But that's okay. Yeah, you guys you passed to get the normal time. So you did not make it extra fast, but you make it there in an hour. The dogs get tangled once or twice. Um, and Jared gets them more tangled. Um, but with you guys um helping out, you're able to get them untangled enough to continue and and make it there in a reasonable amount of time without driving them too hard. So um we now um we will find out what you find at Istid Jakul in our next episode on Blunders and Dragons.
MimirHey adventurers! Thank you for listening to our very first episode. If you would like to support us for free, please share this podcast with your friends and like, rate, review, and subscribe. If you would like to see character art and location maps, head over to our Patreon and sign up. Our second episode includes a thrilling investigation and lots of mysterious clues that we would love to share with you. For $5 a month, you will have access to ad-free episodes, episode graphics like clues, character art, maps, as well as our Patreon exclusive Behind the Blunders, a behind the scenes cast episodes where we discuss what happened in some DM secrets. While this is only a miniseries, we have a whole campaign or season in the works coming soon.